It's time to trawl the net for opportunities for me to display my sarcasm. In no particular order:

1. Suddenly our English friends have gone quiet. I wonder why? Or maybe they saw this? The world has returned to normal.

2. This is what they made the internet for. So you don't get hurt. A voyeur fell to his death in southern China after climbing up the side of a building to get a better look at a woman's naked body.

3. I'm hearing these guys loud and clear: An Austrian trade union has claimed the repetitive playing of Christmas Carols in department stores is nothing short of "psycho-terrorism" for salespeople.

4. D'oh! A Frenchman, who burned his life savings to a cinder before swallowing two bottles of pills, is facing life with an empty bank account after neighbours foiled his suicide attempt.

Yet again, d'oh!

5. Put this one in the shock! Horror! category: A survey looking at British morals has found that modern women lie, flatter and have affairs.

How can I ever trust again? Good job men don't do those things.

6. Hong Kong isn't alone in it's crocodile problems. It's spreading...A CROCODILE is the latest wild animal to hold up a round of golf on a remote course in Arnhem Land.

So you can score an eagle, but the eagle's in the croc. If you can get it out you get the score.

7. Lastly the answer to a question you've never asked: why does that skinny Japanese guy always win those eating contests? This one you just have to read for yourself.