First posted: November 17th, 2003

A prayer for parents to offer up as need be:

O Lord, let me give thanks to the makers of all Toy Story movies and water-based paint. Please give me strength not to throttle my children at 5:45am when they decided to start their shout-a-thon for the day. Yeah verily I walk in the valley of poo-poo, I shall not yield to the nausea in my stomach. May my earnings be bountiful so that I can pay for the damage they causeth and allow them to indulge their whims. If it be thy will, please stop producing Barbie merchandise and movies, so that I can recover some small patch of my home to call my own. Giveth me the will not to be jealous of the fun and care-free life they lead. Give me the drive to go to work even when they beg me to stay home. Let me always be able to look at them and smile, even when they are teenagers who say they hate me. Protect them from evil and especially from Mattel and Disney. Lord, let them always think I have all the answers and I can do no wrong. Let me resist the temptation to sell them for a box of oranges and a Playstation. May I never be embarassed by them or have to apologise for them in a public place. Should it be thy will at least allow one of them to become a child movie star who will give all their earnings to me. From dust their toys were made and to dust they will quickly return once they play with them. If my right hand forgets its skill, allow them to be there to operate the TV for me. Allow me to forget those pre-child days of lazy mornings and late nights, of spontaneous rendezvous and careless spending. Let them always know I am there for them, except if they want money or the car keys. May they one day learn the meaning of pain and love, hapiness and sadness, light and dark, good and evil, Abbott and Costello, and may they learn the differences too. I will always learn from them and love them except between midnight and 6am.

All this I wish and pray for, my Lord. Please, I beseech thee.