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October 05, 2004

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Changes in EPL

Manchester United is being taken over by an American. What hasn't been reported is Malcolm Glazer's plans for the future of the club. I have it on good authority he plans to suggest a few changes to increase the appeal of English Premier League and soccer in general.

Firstly Man U will be renamed the Manchester Cowboys. There will now be an offensive and defensive teams, with numerous breaks so they can all run on and off the field at random times. Body armour will become compulsary for all players. In what will no doubt be a popular innovation, the Manchester Cowgirls will form a new cheer squad with the finest lasses the Mersey Irwell (see below) has to offer. Cigars will be handed out for free at all games but due to no-smoking rules they must only be chomped, not smoked.

But most excitingly will be a new method of starting the game. In fact we have a photo of a helpful demonstration of this innovation:

Senator Kerry demonstrates the new starting method of English Soccer:

kerry2.jpg

(Pic lifted from Rusty)

UPDATE: Phil's right, it should be the River Irwell.

 posted by Simon on 10.05.04 at 10:07 AM in the




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the effin' cheek
Excerpt: yet another geezer, a yank tries to lay his grubby mitts/paws/flippers/suchlike on my beloved manyoooo. the cunning rupert murdoch failed miserably back in 1998. and before him, michael knighton in 1989. so okay, it was martin edwards who was wanting...
Weblog: my innermost sanctum
Tracked: October 6, 2004 02:35 AM


Comments:

oh yes but of course manyooo will then be known as the man united *SOCCER* club. and then that malcolm geezer (glazer, geezer what's the diff?) will make sure the following insidious transformation of the game beyond utter recognition like:
1. calling it INTERMISSION instead of half-time
2. calling it FIRST/SECOND PERIOD instead of first or second half
3. replace the current crop of english commentators with droning american types

oh and counting down the match from 00:90:00 instead of starting from 00:00:00.

i'll switch my loyalty to, erm, arsenal if the deal goes through. at least 'em frogs call it le *FOOTBALL*.

 posted by: the letter b on 10.05.04 at 12:04 PM [permalink]

The Mersey? I think you need a geography lesson. No one from Merseyside is going to support a team that is not Liverpool, Everton or Tranmere Rovers.

 posted by: Phil on 10.05.04 at 05:11 PM [permalink]

Maybe they'll just start playing girls instead of girly men.

 posted by: germaine greer on 10.07.04 at 12:12 PM [permalink]

Who calls it intermission you half-wit. You should change your name to the letter f*ckface.

 posted by: germaine greer on 10.07.04 at 12:15 PM [permalink]




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