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December 03, 2003

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Someone say Rugby?

Co-Australian and misguided Collingwood fan AB has finally hit back via internal email at the constant English sneering over the Rugby. I bring you his email to a couple of token office Poms in full. To give some context, one Pom reckoned that no other sport than Rugby counted (simply because the English have won it, and they can now cover over their loss to Australia in the football).

After your recent remarks about the other "sports" you do consider to be sport, I thought it was worthwhile casting the mind back to come up with a few other recent English triumphs. I did have to go back a bit though...

1. 1984: Torvill and Dean skate to gold ahead of Ukrainians and Finns in Sarajevo

2. 1981: Bucks Fizz win Eurovision Song Contest and go No. 1 with 'Making Your Mind Up'

3. 1966: Dubious goal sets up sham victory over West Germany in Soccer World Cup.

4. 1778: Britain beats small list of nations in colonising largely uninhabitable island.

5. 1654: English seize Jamaica from Spain, creating the first of many superior cricket-playing nations.

6. 410: Romans leave after failed campaign to introduce bathing.
I now vow that I will no longer comment on this topic unless provoked.

 posted by Simon on 12.03.03 at 02:45 PM in the




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notable australian campaigns...

1991. rugby world cup - beat england only due to a deliberate knock-on by the "great" campo depriving england of the winning try. referee inexplicably fails to spot it (he takes australian citizenship a few years later).

1999. cricket world cup - beat south africa in semi only after allan donald forgets how to run and hang on to a bat at the same time

2000. speed skating - won gold after your skaters bold and skilful tactic of being so bad that he was nowhere near the impact zone when the leading trio all knocked each other over and was able to skate round the ensuing carnage.

soccer - only ever close to qualifying for world cup twice, both times failing to get thru the final play-off game against the respective might of uruguay and iran.

swimming - you can win every gold from here to eternity as far as everyone else on the planet cares.
tennis - ditto


war
1915 - attempt to invade turkey only to land on wrong beach and then blame everyone else.
2003 - invade solomon islands. no-one else notices. withdraw from solomon islands. no-one else notices.
2003 - appointed "deputy" to the u.s. in asia - this gives you the right to be the target of every muslim nutter in indonesia (the worlds most populous, corrupt and barking muslim country, and conveniently on your doorstep) thus distracting them from attacking the states. doesn't give you any other rights.

other notable points.

main geographical highlight - big red stone in the middle of the desert
main cultural highlight - big red stone in the middle of the desert
main artistic highlight - big red stone in the middle of the desert
main spiritual highlight - big red stone in the middle of the desert
main historical highlight - none, but instead there is a big red stone in the middle of the desert you can see instead.

 posted by: english on 12.03.03 at 02:48 PM [permalink]




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