November 28, 2006

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Quality assurance

Hong Kong got its first quality immigrant yesterday. It certainly doesn't say much for all of us who came here prior to Lang Lang's arrival. It's easy to tell that Mr Lang is a special person - Immigration stayed open an extra hour to accomodate him. No doubt all the other poor saps at Immigration Tower were kicked out right at 5pm, while everyone went and got their best uniforms on for the cameras.

In fact Hong Kong already is overstuffed with quality. Take our esteemed leader, Donald Tsang. He's getting slammed for saying:

The life expectancy in Hong Kong is among the highest in the world ... you can come to only one conclusion: we have the most environmentally friendly place for people, for executives, for Hong Kong people to live.
The only point where The Don is wrong is the number of conclusions one can draw. In fact you could argue that Hong Kongers could potentially have even longer lives if the air was clean and the eggs pure. But that's the point...the city already has too many old people clogging up Housing Department flats, depriving younger Hong Kongers of their God-given right to live in 500 square feet of dilapidated housing for peanuts. You could also assume the tinting on The Don's car windows is particular dark, or the windows at his renovated Government House office must be particularly grimy. Or perhaps the biggest secret is the air actually isn't so bad in Hong Kong, despite the griping. That's the implication of the chart (from the SCMP) below the jump...

What The Don is missing is a clear chance to solve several problems at once. I propose the West Kowloon wasteland be transformed - not into a park, but a site for a series of giant fans that will blow the dirty air out to sea, where it can only harm merchant seaman and fish. Due to the urgent nature of this project, it should be awarded at once without tender to a joint venture between PCCW and Disney. The fans can be shaped like Mickey Mouse, creating the first Mickey visible from space (on a clear day), and the whole thing can be funded by a combination of apartments dubbed "West Kowloon on the Peak" and a casino on Lantau. With such a genius idea, I only ask for one thing: can I be a quality migrant too?


posted by Simon on 11.28.06 at 09:08 AM in the Hong Kong category.


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West Kowloon reclamation is best handled by making a Chinese double-profit out of the harbour. Profit Number One comes from selling off building rights on the reclamation; and Number Two from digging a hole, letting in the harbour water and dead sea-life. It can be called "Hong Kong Dead Sea" in which can float, for the amusement of paying tourists, all those bad eggs that will otherwise decorate landfills. And we would no have to pay a royalty to Israel either.

posted by: gunlaw on 11.29.06 at 12:01 PM [permalink]

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