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August 13, 2004
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Slurred justice
HONG KONG - (13 August) The Roddy Murray saga continues. The chairman of the Bar Association defended the right of lawyers to drink before courtroom appearances - as long as it did not affect their performance*. "It's not like we're performing surgery or flying a plane," said Sir Teddy Martini. "Drinking is an age-old tradition in the law. Everyone knows the Magna Carta was composed after a rather long lunch and a jolly good bottle of red." The Bar Association has no rules against drinking. In fact the Bar Association has only one rule: to protect their own. "We're busy worrying about the real law, let alone setting rules for ourselves," Sir Teddy said. "All lawyers, and barristers in particular, are always good fellows. Oh, with the occasional token woman. Oopps, did I say that? I move to strike that from the record!" Asked what the Bar Association is doing about the matter, Sir Teddy said "We had a vigourous discussion last night. I wanted the Burgundy, but that damn chap from the other chambers insisted on a New World Merlot. Well, I never. We were having prime steaks, for goodness sake." So far the Bar has received one anonymous complaint about Mr Murray's behaviour. An excerpt was played to reporters: "You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Drinking at lunchtime and not inviting me. It's just rude, dammit. He will never work in my court again unless he sends me a case of Grange Hermitage. And not one of the bad years, or my name's not Chua Fi-lan!" Sir Teddy commented further: "People need to think through the repercussions if we were to stop barristers drinking at lunchtime. Many of Hong Kong's restaurants and bars would go out of business. Where would it end? It's not an easy job being a barrister, you know. We have to wear silly black coats and horse-hair wigs that itch like buggery in this heat. Then we've got to argue monotonous cases of little import in front of pompous and self-righteous former barristers, who now sit in even bigger wigs and big red coats. Yes we can charge a reasonable tariff for our services, but alcohol is merely the lubricant of justice in our fair system. For the really important cases I generally limit myself to an aparatif and half bottle at lunch." When asked what constituted a "really important case", Sir Teddy replied "You know, the murders and the ones that pay lots of money. The public needs to remember it is rude for a barrister to refuse his tycoons' offers of sumptuous lunches, especially if you are representing them as well." The press conference continued a little longer but Sir Teddy's speech became slurred. One journalist noticed his "water" seemed to smell distinctly of vodka. Sir Teddy finished the conference with this statement: "You're all a pack of lying theives. I will go you with a knife, I will. I love you. I'm so sorry. You're my best friend. I feel sick. Objection!" * From the SCMP posted by Simon on 08.13.04 at 09:41 AM in the
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Comments:
Please, Simon, tell me that's satire, right? It's quite good as satire and a bit scary as real life. posted by: RP on 08.14.04 at 02:42 AM [permalink] |
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