July 06, 2004

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Today's cooking tip

Following the discussion at Tim Blair's on Vegemite, Australia's national spread, I humbly present Simon's special recipie, passed down from generation to generation*, using the magical spread.

4 pieces of bread (can be white or wholemeal, but who are you kidding with that wholemeal cr@p?)
2 Cheddar cheese singles (must be individually wrapped in plastic to prevent goodness getting in)
1 knife
1 Breville Sandwich Press (I always just called it a Breville. Who knew they made other stuff?)
1 jar of Vegemite (perfection in a jar)
1 block of butter (or marge, but again, who are you kidding the chemicals are better?)

Lightly spread a smattering of Vegemite on one side only of two pieces of the bread. Gently lay one slice of cheese on each of these Vegemite-d slices. Now smatter the two remaining piece with Vegemite, making sure it is not too thick. Place the two pieces without the cheese on top, making two "sandwiches". Next lightly butter the exterior of both sides of the sandwiches. Place the sandwiches into the Breville. Wait. Wait some more. When the sandwich is golden brown and/or once your smoke alarm goes off, the sandwich is ready. With your knife gently each it out of the Breville, trying to capture as much of the melted cheese as possible.

Eat immediately.

Goes well with any carbonated soft-drink or beer. Does not agree with wine or spirits.

Serves one comfortably. Should be watched in front of p0rn sport.

IMPORTANT: cleaning the Breville afterwards is a thankless and ungratifying task. Leave it for someone who cares about hygiene.

No need to thank me for sharing such a precious family recipie. You can leave reviews once you've tasted heaven.

* of fruit flies.

posted by Simon on 07.06.04 at 06:24 PM in the


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Tracked: February 25, 2005 07:53 PM


I object to the use of the word 'Cheddar' in this context. You are talking about horrible processed cheese that bears absolutely no relation to Cheddar cheese.

I am consulting my lawyers (Fumier, Fumier, Clifford and Chance) and you will be hearing from them shortly.

"Mr Cheese"

posted by: Chris on 07.06.04 at 07:30 PM [permalink]

I look forward to my day in court. Wait until I spring the famous "Saab defence" on Fumier.

posted by: Simon on 07.06.04 at 07:50 PM [permalink]

Clifford Chance are a very fine firm.

posted by: fumier on 07.06.04 at 09:26 PM [permalink]

Family Recipe?

Hate to be the one to break the news, Simon, but your recipe has been spotted in texts of the backroom deliberations by US Department of Justice policy wonks concerning the limits of abuse for captive enemy combatants.

posted by: Wind Rider on 07.07.04 at 03:27 AM [permalink]

I believe the Geneva Convention has a paragraph devoted just to the horrors of Vegemite.

posted by: Ted on 07.07.04 at 07:35 PM [permalink]

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