In the interests of seeing what a police state looks like first hand, I am heading to Singapore this evening for a conference. Edge of the seat excitement awaits while hundreds of hung-over attendees listen to various grandees drone on about topics that hardly matter. On the agenda is a visit to Singapore's only night spot worthy of the name: the "Four floors of (rhymes with floors, slang name for female sex worker, often used by the American Navy)". Always an interesting place to visit, given most of the customers are tourists and the "ladies" are not. First timers stand out - they're the ones bothering to talk to the "ladies". Singapore even does sleaze in such a polite and mannered way.

The good news is to follow I will be meeting Mrs M, JC and PB in Thailand to see what bird flu looks like first hand. And to enjoy the delights of Club Med, France's answer to farm-style prisons. It will be a time to relax, enjoy tropical climes, recharge the creative juices and collect numerous amusing anecdotes to regale you with upon my return. Given even poor Hemlock seems to have taken leave of his senses, I fear this holiday is long overdue. Plus it's a good excuse to take Luuka to meet the ladyboys of Phuket.

Obviously I couldn't go on holidays and leave this work of art some call a blog to wither on the vine. How would you cope without something to read here for a couple of weeks? I heard that - "just fine" is not a valid answer. How could I let the momentum drop? So I have found a guest blogger for these two weeks. Someone with many of the same experiences and much the same background as myself, and yet strangely different to me. Someone with an almost unholy love of the Simpsons and an unusual grasp of reality. Someone from a time zone three hours earlier than Hong Kong, allowing more blogging goodness in your day.

So finally we come to the moment you've been waiting for. The envelope please...Ladies and Gentlemen, I have given the keys of the kingdom to my brother Paul for the next two weeks.

Have I taken leave of my senses? Yes. But the deed is done, the passwords have been passed. He's a damn interesting person and he'll be your host. I may drop in from time to time, but the truth is if Club Med is anything like I've been told, I'll be lucky to make back with sensible views of the world. I fully expect to return to a blog that looks much like my bedroom did when I left my brother in charge: booby-trapped, bugged, broken, dishevelled and ratty.

Go easy on him and enjoy.