February 03, 2004

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One of the best parts of expat life is the people you meet. Be it on the bus, around our apartment or through the school we are constantly meeting interesting and varied people we would never meet any other way. Much like this blog, I suppose. It is a narrow group in some ways: generally they are professionals, people who are good enough at what they do that companies are prepared to move and keep them in a foreign country at extra expense. Some are in their third or fourth postings; others like us are in our first (and my mother-in-law hopes last). By no means is it a perfect group. There are some we've met who quite frankly repulse me. It is a small circle, not representative of anything much at all. But on the whole it makes for an eclectic mix.

What this group has in common is they are not in their home country. The difference between expats and others is expats are in a country temporarily - it may be years, but in the end the goal is to return to some other place. It certainly changes one's mindset. It forces one to do as much as you can as quickly as you can because of this temporary status. Visit places, see the sites, travel, meet, eat, greet. This also means all of these people are located away from family and friends, from the familiarity of their points of origin, from their support network. Hong Kong is not a difficult place to live, far from it. But it is still a foreign city. It's not our city.

Being away from your support network is a big deal with kids. Even without kids it's certainly not the same being away, perhaps for better, perhaps for worse. Having a live-in helper certainly goes some way to making up the gap. But even that is not enough to cover the gap. So far in my experience much of the gap is made up through the friends you make instead. Everyone is in the same boat. Everyone goes through the same trials and tribulations. Those that have been here longer can help with advice. The main thing is everyone is there for everyone else.

This sense of community leads to strong bonds. Friendships form quickly and they can quickly become deep. It also leads to the problem. By its very nature an expat community is a transient one. Families are coming and going with frightening regularity. We're approaching such a time now - this year we already know several families heading out of HK. While being all happy for them and blah blah, it hurts to put in such effort into friendships only to find them disappearing. We will stay in touch of course and may even see them again one day, but it won't be the same. And one day it will be us that is leaving. It is not a question of blame or pity. It is a fact of life. It doesn't make it any easier.

Another part of the strange life that is being an expat.

posted by Simon on 02.03.04 at 04:13 PM in the




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Comments:

I envy that the expats seem to group together in HK. In Sweden, you very much have a sense that "you chose to move away from your home country, now make a go of it." There is no cohesion among expats, no way to meet up with people who have the same accent as you, who watched the same cartoons as kids, who celebrate the same holidays that mean nothing in Sweden (i.e. Independence Day. Obviously).

At the same time, since you don't have the crutch of turning to people from your same background, you wind up getting immersed in the culture faster.

Weird though-my closest friends are English. Hmmm...

posted by: Helen on 02.03.04 at 05:06 PM [permalink]

Good point - one thing about such a close (and closed) community is that it does act to shield us somewhat from the harsh world of HK. That said there's enough culture shock to last a lifetime here, so easing in via the comforting craddle of an expat community helps.

posted by: Simon on 02.03.04 at 08:31 PM [permalink]

This is an interesting point Simon but I must confess I look at it a different way. While I generally do not speak ill of expatriates as individuals, en masse I don't think there is a place where expats integrate less anywhere in the world than Hong Kong.

The Expat community presents an incredible sense of aloofishness to the local community. That is not to acknowledge that many locals have little knowledge how to approach westerners.

Language obviously plays a big part - for example, in Singapore or Malaysia where English standards are in a different ball park, there is much better integration.

Not everyone is on a fixed contract - many imports just have jobs on a normal open contract like anyone else. I suppose if you are on a fixed contract you do develop a certain attitude to your temporary home. Especially if you can live somewhere out of the imagination of local people on a housing allowance that is alone three to four times the average salary in Hong Kong.

I am quite happy with the fact generally I am not part of the expat community. I dislike many of them because I do not like their attitudes to the local populace which plays host to them - that does not include you Simon.

Single male expats are among my biggest dislike because of the sudden belief they are God's gift to women after a night in Wanchai or LKF.

I have not had a leaving party for a friend in over three years - I just don't mix in that fraternity.

I think the saddest thing is that many people who come here for two or three years will know very little about the place in which they live even if they think they do. They will have little understanding of how most of their local co-workers live, either their family situation at home, how they spend their leisure time, how they struggle on negative equity with their mortgages, and so on.

Then again there are people who have lived here for 20 years who can't speak a word of Chinese. I have nothing but disdain for them.

Don't take this personally but the bond in the expat community as you call it is also one of the reasons why expats in Hong Kong appear to consider themselves, rightly or wrongly at individual level, apart from the community in which they live.

posted by: Phil on 02.03.04 at 08:57 PM [permalink]

Phil, you are 100% correct (and nice to have you back). It didn't fit the theme of my post but there is absolutely a firm percentage of expats who see Hong Kong as something to be endured rather than enjoyed. The culture and language barrier is large but not impossible to bridge. But many find it easier to stay within the expat world because it's safer (in their mind). You know what - that's their loss. They'll never know half of what they've missed.

Being on an open-ended contract myself it's hard to guage what the future brings, but personally Australia will always be my final home. Nevertheless every day I kick myself about how lucky I am, with a housing allowance and all the guff. One look at the Disneyland carpark reminds me of that.

I am simply going through the first of what will no doubt be many friendships that come to end because of shifting expats. The rights and wrongs of expat life are for another post. But I agree as a community expats leave a lot to be desired.

posted by: Simon on 02.03.04 at 09:09 PM [permalink]

I agree with Phil's comments and am in a similar position to him. Without being more facetious than I can help, one of the best things about living abroad is that you don't have to spend the bulk of your time dealing with grey and whiney compatriots.

With possibly 2 exceptions, I meet non-Chinese only for work. I regard myself as a resident rather than an expat. Having said that, I have been in the fixed contract position, in a place which I did not find congenial, and was at those times definitely an expat with an eye very much on getting the hell out as soon as I could.

posted by: fumier on 02.04.04 at 03:50 PM [permalink]




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