Helen commented that should like someone to explain cricket for dummies, by which I assume she means Americans. With JC and PB firmly ensconced in front of the Teletubbies I will waste valuable weekends minutes doing just that.

Cricket is God's gift to mankind. Much like I am God's gift to womankind in a different kind of way. It is one of the most widely supported sports in the world with most ex-British colonies (strangely excluding Canada) playing at top level; that puts it total supporter base at over a billion people. I made that up number up, but in the sub-contineny they are mad about it.

Cricket is Australia's only national sport. Every male over the age of 3 is taught to play at school, in the backyard, on the beach or wherever else and appropriate space can be found. Not to discriminate but many females also participate, and not just getting the salads ready for the boys when they are finished.

To the rules. Before I get into it I will omit many details that are not necessary for a basic understanding, but like all games there are many rules and tactics to get into.

Two teams of eleven. Each team has an extra (twealth) man, who can only replace a player injured during the game and is limited in what duties he can perform (I am going to use he because all this Political Correctness he/she cr@p is too much). There are two main versions of the game: Test matches and One-Day matches. Test cricket is the pinnacle of the game, with currently ten nations of Test status (Australia, New Zealand, England, Pakistan, India, Bangladesh, Zimbabwe, South Africa, Sri Lanka and West Indies). These games take a maximum of 5 days, with each team having two innings. If there is no result at the end of 5 days it is a draw. A One Day game each team has only one innings, limited to 50 overs (more later) and there is always a result.

The game is played on an oval, with a pitch of 22 yards in the middle. At each end of the pitch is a wicket, a combination of three stumps with two bails sitting atop. There is a batter at each end of the pitch. One will be facing the bowler, the other waits at the bowler's end making disparging remarks about the fielding team and their habits (this is called sledging). The bowler has a certain line he cannot overstep, otherwise it is a no-ball and the batting team get a run (and an extra ball). Bowlers must not bend their arm during their deliver and the arm must go over shoulder height. The idea is to get the most runs. There are several other ways to get runs: by hitting the ball and running between the wickets; by hitting the ball to the boundary (4 runs); hitting it over the boundary without a bounce (6 runs); or through "extras" like the no-ball I just mentioned.

Each bowler has 6 balls in an over. Once an over is bowled, another bowler starts from the opposite end for 6 balls, and so on. There is always a wicket-keeper, who stand behind the wicket opposite to the bowler, in case the batter misses it. The other 9 players are called fieldsmen, and are placed around the oval in important but not fixed positions.

A batsman can be out in a few ways. If the ball hits his wicket (and knocks the bails off, which tends to happen when the ball is going at 100 miles an hour) he is out. If his leg (or any other part of his body) is line with the wickets (also called stumps) and the ball has not touched his bat he can be out LBW (leg before wicket, duh). This is adjudicated by an umpire, who stands at the bowler's wicket. A batsman is out if he hits a catch; or if he runs and the fielding team get the ball to hit the wicket before he has safely made his ground. A bat tends to be 3 foot long by several inches wide, which is limited by the rules.

That's it. It is really that easy. The best is to watch a few games; I would start with a One Day game if you can because that's quicker and more exciting.

Any quesitons or queries can be answered via the comments. Hope this helps some of the less enlightened to appreciate the beauty that is cricket. It is nothing like Baseball.

And Australia are the world champions. In both forms of the game.